The Love I Never Had

This curse of the west, this blindness of the masses, this communism of the church, this whole dead end of the world, it has left me lonely, it has killed my self-esteem, it has wrecked my joy of simple living. It has only left memories of mockery, eyes that haunt me, verbal and psychic rapists who can’t break free of their pre-concepts, all for naught.

I’ve given up over and over again, yet I’ve come back to the same hell every morning, I’ve awakened into the same jungle, the same zoo, and it doesn’t make me happy one bit. I’m tired of toxic, I’m tired of trekking along this lonely path, I got no motivation left to stay here, no motivation to fit in or to fit out anymore.

Humanity is its own monster, it cannot be fixed, because it cannot fix itself. It doesn’t realize it has blind spots, and therefore it goes to the same dead end, over and over and over again.

I think of it all and I don’t know if I should laugh in madness or cry in agony, or scream in anger, I just get numbed, no point either way.

All I think about is getting away, I wanna get away from it all, get away from everyone, get away from all the noises and voices and thoughts, get away from all the good and the ugly, to go live in the mountains, away from lowly crawlers, but you know what happens when that happens, I simply suffer from the memories, the ones missing in my life, the times lost to stupidity, the work undone, the relationships that never flourished, the people I never got to know, it’s all very sad.

I’m going far away, so far away I’ll only be a symbol to pray for, a day to remember, a name to forget, a face to dream of.