Sometimes

Sometimes at the dimmest time of the night, just as I’m about to fall asleep, a shadowy phantom of a memory appears to my mind.

A dim visual of a place and time so far away yet so near to recall.

I focus on it, expand it, bring it to full attention, I accept the initiation of a dream.

I’m reminded of a time long ago, a space long away, a ghost of myself along the fingerprints of other souls.

Old emotions reincarnate.

I stumble in my own mind, eyes tearing on the inside from the pain and beauty, it’s called melancholy.

I get myself together and open my eyes.

I realize that I can’t fall asleep even at 2am.

I continue dreaming with my eyes wide open.

Rolling around in an attempt to find the last remaining cold spot on my pillow, or fixing the pain in my neck or shoulders or back or one of the knees.

none of it works nor matters.

it’s literally the suffering of a lonely soul, and you must let it have its way, you must acknowledge its existence for sweet dreams to pursue.